I’m not ready.
I need more time.
I’m not strong enough.
I still have so much stuff to get together.
Maybe I’ll just go in a couple of months.
September would be okay, right?
 
 

These thoughts have been bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks now. Reality set in and I started to doubt His plans. I was driving home from work the other day and for the first time in 8 months, I was afraid to go.

My grandmother is my favorite person in the entire world. Everyone knows it. (Everyone also knows that I’m her favorite too.) A couple summers ago Ma fell and broke her hip. We decided as a family it would be best for her to live with us so we could all help take care of her. It’s been a truly awesome experience. She is the most caring person I have ever known because she never puts herself first.
 

Something heavy came over me as I was driving home that day. I couldn’t help but cry over the awful thoughts that were coming into my mind. 

What if something happened to Ma while I was gone?
What if her mind gets worse and she doesn’t remember me when I get home?
What if she isn’t here when I get back?

Two days later, I was sitting in my bedroom and
I heard my mom call for me. She said she needed my help.
She said Ma was walking the dog and fell
in the street in front of our house.

On a lighter note, I have compiled a list of 11 things that I don’t know how I’m going to live without for the next 11 months.
 

11. Chickfila with a handful (literally) of Chickfila sauce and Diet Dr. Pepper.
10. Hair appointments with Alicia that make any day better!
9. My giant body pillow. {aka The Black Sheep}
8. Taking long baths.
7. Having a closet full of clothing options.
6. My iPhone.
5. Did I mention Chickfila?
4. My furry child that snuggles, Cammie.



(Although I trust he’s going to love his new home at my Aunt Beth’s!)
3. Alone time.
2. An awesome group of friends that keep a smile on my face.
1. My beautiful family and their unconditional support and love.



It's almost here, ya'll!
 

16 SHORT WEEKS!
I would love to sit here and tell you all that I’m completely prepared and that I’m basically just watching the clock tick until July but that would be all lies…

However, I can say that just as HE promised me – everything is falling into place! (God’s faithfulness always makes me think of Romans 8:28, my favorite verse!) Literally everything is coming together and I can’t tell you how because I haven’t done it! God has and I’m so thankful for Him.
 
Some really cool things have happened in the last few weeks. A few blogs back I shared a little bit of my testimony with you guys. God allowed some tough things to happen in my life so that He could teach me how to share His love with hurting women and young girls. The youth at my church were doing a series on GPS (God’s Positioning System). They heard stories about hardships that God takes you through to get you where He needs you. It never seems to work out the way that we want it to but it ALWAYS works out in HIS perfect way.

I have always wondered how God was going to use my story. Part of the reason why I’m going on this trip is to see what ministry opportunities are out in the world. I truly believe that while I’m on the WR that God is going to open a door where He can use me to help hurting women.
 

Not many people know this but 1 out of 4 women were sexually abused as a child.
1 out of 4,That’s 20%.
 

I was able to share my story to our youth during this series. I had never talked about this part of my testimony in front of a large group. I prayed that God would speak through me and that He would allow some of those kids to understand that the struggles make you stronger. In our weakness HE is made strong. I had no idea that impact it would make that night.
 
After the sermon they were invited to pray down at the altars. There was one girl that I couldn’t take my eyes off of; I couldn’t stop praying for her. I watched as she wept for several minutes and I knew. I knew the confusion. I knew the hurt she felt. I’m sure our stories are completely different but I knew that she needed to hear from God in that moment.
 
Guess what else I knew?
 
She has hope in Christ. God can heal her hurt. God can and WILL reveal His crazy/amazing plans for her life. The confusion will go away. The tears and sorrow will turn to JOY. I was not sad for this girl but I was and am still SO EXCITED for the work God has for her.
 
Before I left church that night, that sweet girl came up to me with tears in her eyes thanking me because she needed to hear what I said. The Lord is so good.
GREAT is HIS FAITHFULNESS.

 

Dear Father, Thank you for speaking life through me. I pray that as I continue on this journey of giving my everything to You, that you continue to use me for your GLORY! Thank you for knowing what’s best for us, even if we don’t understand.
 

p.s. THIS SATURDAY, MARCH 17^THTHERE IS A FUNDRAISER AT MY CHURCH FROM 7AM TO 2PM. WE ARE HAVING A YARD SALE, CAR WASH, AND FOOD WILL BE SERVED! ALL OF THE YARD SALE PROCEEDS WILL GO TO MY WORLD RACE AND ALL OF THE CAR WASH/FOOD PROCEEDS WILL BE SPLIT AMONG THE TEAM THAT I AM LEADING IN HAITI THIS JUNE. IF YOU HAVE ITEMS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DONATE LET ME KNOW AND I’LL MAKE ARRANGMENTS TO PICK THEM UP! COME OUT AND SUPPORT THE MISSIONS AT ABUNDANT LIFE SO WE CAN TAKE THIS JOY TO THE DARKEST PLACES AROUND THE WORLD!
 

Am I excited? Um, duh! I’m so excited I almost pee in my pants when I think about it.
I still have 216 days until July. My heart jumps up and down when I think about it and I get first date butterflies/jitters. Sometimes, tears fill my eyes because I’m so grateful for this opportunity.

In my last blog I gave a glimpse of the things that God is doing in my life right now. He’s changing a lot. He’s breaking me and making me new. I’m learning that we can always improve ourselves when we’re striving to be like Christ because He is so perfect. I’m going to give you a glimpse of where I was and where I am now.
 

I have always been a very compassionate person. When I see someone hurting I can feel their hurt in my heart. I grew up in a broken family. My mother was very young so my grandmother helped raise me. My father didn’t come into the picture until I was older. Life led me to live with him when I was about 12. I loved my daddy! I was his favorite and he spoiled me so bad it wasn’t funny. His favoritism turned into love that was wrong. My father sexually abused me when I was a young girl. God brought me out of the situation but life after that was rough, to say the least. For years, every night I sat in my closet and cried until I was so tired that I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore. To the outside world I was still the same happy, compassionate girl. I hid it very well. I was in and out of church but God was constantly tugging at my heart. I tried to hide the pain by living in sin. The enemy tricked me into thinking that drinking, sex, and living like the world would make everything better. It was all lies. I knew in my heart that there was a reason that I went through the things that God allowed me to go through. I remember the scripture that God revealed to me when I knew that I was called to ministry.

Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."
1 Corinthians 1:26-31; The Message

 

God showed me that scripture about 4 years ago. He healed me of my hurt. He taught me about forgiveness. I haven’t spoken to my father in about 7 years but in my heart his slate is clean.It has not been easy. It has been hard. It has been a process. My flesh gets the best of me sometimes and I want to give up but my battle has already been won! God has the victory!
 

I can’t wait to share the love that God has freely poured on me to hurting women.
I can’t wait to hear their stories.
I can’t wait to tell them the promises that have been made to us by Jesus.
I can’t wait to see the Holy Spirit come down and wipe their tears away.
I can’t wait to share those stories with you!
 

My posts have been few and far between but I promise that when I’m actually traveling I will keep you updated much more frequently and I’m sure the closer July gets here then the more I’ll be posting!
 

CHANGE. REMOLD. RENEW.
These are the types of things that God has been speaking to me. In the past month and a half (I still can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve posted!) God has literally taken my life and turned it upside down.
UP-FREAKING-SIDE DOWN. It’s been a MESS to say the least.
Relationship changes.
 Job changes.
Heart changes.
Everything is and was changing.
I tried to stay strong but I have to be honest and admit that the Enemy got the best of me at times. There were several points where I felt like giving up, which is exactly where he wanted me to be.
 

But how faithful is our God?
At the absolute lowest points He picked me up and held me in His arms. He gave me hope and peace. He was there the whole time, allowing certain things to happen so that I could see His glory through the situations. I’ve been learning a lot about spiritual warfare and how to overcome the battles. He’s been teaching me to lean on Him before I let a word come out of my mouth. When I encounter an uncomfortable situation I now know that before I let my mind race with questions and before my emotions set in that I need to ask God to give me strength in Him. I am so glad that He is teaching me how to be a better servant before I go on the World Race to serve Him.

 
As he continues to mold my heart to be like Him I am clinging to His promises!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5:7
 

Coming Soon : My Testimony
The next blog that I post will be some of my testimony!
It’s not going to be easy to post some things to the World Wide Web but God has laid it on my heart!
And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Revelation 12:11
 

With His Love, Christina

I knew that as soon as I started preparing for this trip that God was going to start revealing Himself to me in new ways. Kari Jobe says it perfectly, “The more I seek You, the more I find You.”
 
God is teaching me that His power is REAL.
I grew up in a Church of God church – I’ve been to other churches but Church of God is what I'm used to. I have seen the Holy Spirit come over people so strongly that they couldn’t stand. I’ve seen crazy, free worship filled with running, screaming, shouting, etc. I have heard people pray or “speak” in other tongues. I always knew it was real. I know the scriptures in Acts. These are spiritual gifts from the Holy Spirit. Spiritual gifts were not meant for ya girl - or so I thought.
 
I always feel God’s presence around me when I worship Him. I know that the Holy Spirit is REAL and He lives in us to help guide us. Despite my knowing this, I didn't want anything to do with falling on the floor or praying in a language that I didn’t know. I had built up walls to the Holy Spirit.
Recently, I’ve really been asking God to make His presence real to me. A couple Sundays ago, I was standing in front of our altars at church but I was backed up to the first row of chairs. No one was around me and I was just praising when I couldn’t stand anymore. I ungracefully plopped down into the chair behind me. As I was sitting, I still had my hands raised. For some reason I could not put them down! Someone came to my right side, held my hand, and prayed for me. There wasn’t anyone to the left of me but guess what?

Someone was holding my left hand.

God was sitting beside me and holding my hand - I have no doubt about it. I sat in His presence for a few moments hoping that He wouldn’t let go. Then, I started to feel something in my hands. It felt like something was flowing through them similar to when they fall asleep and get all tingly. I then heard God say, “Do not be afraid. I have called you and I will heal them through you.” My heart was racing. God confirmed that I am going to lay hands on the sick and He is going to heal them through me for His glory.

 “Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.”
Matthew 10:8

This past Sunday I wasn’t feeling really well so I slept in and missed the morning service. I didn’t even know that there was an evening service that night until I called my beautiful friend, Kayla Childers, to tell her Happy Birthday and she unintentionally convicted me so I dragged myself there (That’s what good friends are for, right?). I still didn’t feel that great and I was a little stressed out but as soon as the service started I could feel God’s presence so strong. We were singing a song about being surrounded by angels as we worship, and to be honest I wouldn’t have given that line a second thought but a friend of mine recently shared a really cool story with me. He went to Tanzania this past summer and during a worship service he SAW ANGELS IN THE ROOM WITH THEM! (Thank you, Lord, for being so real.) As I read the words on the scream my heart was bursting because I wanted to share the story so bad but I’m learning to wait for God’s lead. When the song was over Pastor D called me to the front. He asked me to share about the World Race but I couldn’t – I had to tell them about the angels!

This is where it gets a little weird for me, (unfamiliar weird not bad weird)

My church is going through a spiritual revival right now. The congregation was specifically praying for unity. As I was praying, I heard Pastor D tell us that God was going to start blessing us because of our faithfulness. I don’t know how but I immediately knew that the enemy was already distracting people from God’s vision. I felt as though God was referring to Kingdom blessings for us and the enemy was trying to get people to focus on worldly blessings like money and possessions. When those thoughts crossed my mind I felt something come over me, something that I can’t explain. I got very still and I felt something warm moving up my chest into my throat. I thought, “Oh crap. I’m about to speak some kind of message.” And I hesitated for a moment but I knew I wasn’t supposed to hold it in any longer. God confirmed by quieting the music a little bit and then it came out. A message in a language I could not understand. I can’t recall what it sounded like. I don’t know if it was long or short. I had absolutely no idea what I said but almost immediately after it was over Pastor D interpreted the message and I don’t remember his exact words but it was something very similar to this, “Here me says the Lord, I am going to show you miraculous things in this place. I am going to heal the sick. I will raise the dead… You will be blessed.”

Not worldly blessings but Kingdom blessings.
How good and faithful is our God?
 

His power is real, the Holy Spirit is real, and spiritual gifts are real.
If you have any stories like this I would love to hear them!
 
 

p.s. I’ve gotten out a lot of support letters but I’m not quite done yet!
Please continue to pray about supporting me on this exciting journey!